2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
