he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
