Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will be naked everywhere
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
