brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
