franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
