Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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