I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
