we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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