my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
