atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
