You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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