His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Houston, we have a blender
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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