we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
