Are we in a gay sports bar?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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