every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize