Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
