I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
another moral hangover. fuck.
babies were throwing up all over the place
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
