"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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