I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
