Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
