I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
