I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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