I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
