Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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