sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
