I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
