I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
