uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
