idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
