ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Houston, we have a squirter
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need a beard to bite.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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