So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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