u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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