literally had 100 drinks last night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
