She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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