I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
