Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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