i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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