Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
