It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
