More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
