My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my shit smells like andre
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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