so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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