I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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