One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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