Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
