I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
