Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
