the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
