We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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