see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
