she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
