I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
MIDGETS
????
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
