hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
