I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
