It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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