Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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