she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
