Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
