i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
