he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
