He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
