if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
