If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
