Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
