mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
