we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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