oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's rum buckets o'clock
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
