ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
