ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
