I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
