I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
