I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
