your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
