WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
