it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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