he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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