I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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