I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
