A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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