Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
