i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
