I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize